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He behaves like the man he keeps bad-mouthing

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband was screaming about his grandfather the other day, describing what a bad man he was because he was an alcoholic. He talked about him harshly in front of my kids.

Harriette Cole 

I did not appreciate that, especially given the fact that my husband behaves almost identically to his grandfather. He gets drunk and loud. He yells and curses at me and the kids when he is drunk, and it’s quite embarrassing.

He won’t hear it when I point this out to him.

I want him to curb his drinking, and I want him to stop bad-mouthing his dead grandfather. Any ideas on how to accomplish that?


DEAR HYPOCRITE: It can seem almost impossible for people to see themselves, especially when they are intoxicated.

Keep your camera or phone at the ready. Next time your husband goes into a rant, record him discreetly. Later, when he is sober, tell him you have something you want to show him. Preface it by saying that you realize that he doesn’t see himself sometimes when he is acting out.

Point out that you are worried about the negative impression he is having on your children. Show him the video and see how he reacts. Remind him of how he often maligns his grandfather’s name and how he is doing almost the identical thing. Beg him to stop.

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